Friction
by Lari
Summary: Luke, Mara, and Callista's relationships change after Nirauan, in an alternate universe where Callista never left...
1. Adjustments

A/N: This is R just to play it safe, in reality it's probably more along the lines of PG-13.

I disclaim anything and everything Star Wars, as well as the song _The Rose_.

Friction 

  
_Some say, love, it is a river   
That drowns the tender reed.   
Some say, love, it is a razor   
That leaves your heart to bleed.   
Some say, love, it is a hunger,   
An endless, aching need.   
I say, love, it is a flower   
And you its only seed._   
  
_The Rose_   
  
  
Chapter One: _Adjustments_   
  
  
Mara talked a lot as they neared Coruscant. Luke was shocked.   
  
He didn't think he'd heard her speak about so much for so long the entire time he had known her. Granted, they hadn't spoken much over the last few years, but still…   
  
"I wonder how Karrde will react when I tell him," she said suddenly, when there was a moment of silence. As though she were afraid of what the silence would bring. "_If_ I decide to do this," she amended, quickly.   
  
Luke opened his mouth to answer, but she continued speaking without waiting for a response. "I just don't know if there's anyone he feels comfortable leaving in charge of things. I mean, he likes Aves, he's loyal and he gets the job done, but he's not very…"   
  
"Bright?" Luke supplied, with a grin.   
  
"I was going to say 'creative,'" she answered, grinning back. "Though, I suppose 'bright' fits as well."   
  
The silence was comfortable this time and Luke was just beginning to enjoy the easy, quiet camaraderie, when she spoke up again.   
  
"Do you think it has to be a lifetime commitment, or could I go back to Karrde when I finish my training?" She looked away from him and tapped the console thoughtfully; Luke didn't even bother trying to get a word in edgewise. "That might not be such a bad policy. You could have two tracks at the Academy or two tracks in the apprenticeship, or both. One for people who want to be a 'professional' Jedi, and another option for people who want to develop their abilities, but aren't willing to give the full commitment. It might not be such a bad thing to have 'lay' people who feel a deep attachment to the Order."   
  
Luke stared at her in disbelief as she rambled on. The ideas she had shared with him about the Order in these last few days had been innovative, even revolutionary, but so obvious that he wondered that they had never occurred to anyone in the Order, not to Kam, not to Tionne, not even to Callista.   
  
He turned back to the long starlines in front of him and listened in awe as she wove vision after vision of the New Order of Jedi. He thought back to his own dismissal of Aves as 'not bright.' According to Mara, it was more that he lacked the creativity needed to help run the organization. Perhaps they were all lacking that same creativity at the Academy. Having Mara around might very well give the movement the push it needed to stand upright and independent in the New Republic.   
  
"…truth is we already have Leia and Corran, maybe a few others I don't know about…"   
  
He could see her reflection in the cockpit window—her hair shifting and shimmering in the reflected starlight—as she spoke and he marveled once again at the understanding they had managed to come to on Nirauan.   
  
He had once thought of her as being part of his future—the future of the Jedi Order. Leia, Mara, Corran. But by some twist of fate, they had all chosen different paths and he had had to build his order around strangers. For a long time he had considered Mara and Leia his great failings—signs that maybe he wasn't going about this the right way at all. But then Callista came along. She came with her knowledge of the Old Order, but with a flexibility to adapt her experiences to a changed galaxy.   
  
Leia and Mara were not his failures. They were their own people and they had made their own decisions. Being part of the Order necessitated a commitment to the Order, a commitment they weren't willing to make. He had found it very easy to understand Leia's choices from that perspective. He had made a commitment to the Order, she had made a commitment to the Republic. It was Mara that he had a harder time coming to terms with.   
  
The fact that she had been bouncing around the galaxy with Karrde and then with Lando, of all people, then on her own, demonstrated to him her lack of dedication to any ideal at all. He simply couldn't reconcile it with the Mara he thought he had known. The Mara who was so intensely loyal that it had taken her over five years to throw off the influence of a man she knew very well was evil. The Mara who had been so ready to put her disagreements with the government aside in order to fight against the threat of second set of Clone Wars. The Mara who had risked her life, without thinking twice, to save Karrde, to save the twins, and, in the end, to save Luke himself.   
  
_"Maybe you're superimposing your own personality over Mara's,"_ Callista had told him once, after one of Mara's frustratingly short visits. _"You're interpreting what she does based on your own ideals, not hers. You forget where she's coming from: she was raised believing that Jedi were her enemies. Do you think it's so easy for her to pick up and devote her life to them?"_   
  
Callista had been right, as usual, he decided, as Mara launched into a one-sided discussion about what age would be appropriate for children to start training. Partly right, at least. Mara had needed to get beyond her view of the Jedi. That they were power-hungry, poised at the edge of the darkside at every turn. But she also had her own intense need for independence that he had never truly understood until now. She had been controlled for so much of her life that she had needed to know that she could stand on her own, could control her own destiny.   
  
And part of it had been him, of course. She was probably right. He relied too much on the _loud_ parts of the Force, it deafened him to the tiny whispers that could have guided him through the years. But he was willing to change, if the Council agreed that it was appropriate. It was all Mara needed to feel comfortable with them.   
  
He had asked her if she would consider joining the Order as a Jedi. A title she had earned in spades on Nirauan. She had told him that she would consider it, but he knew that she wanted it now, as much as he did.   
  
A soft beeping cut Mara off.   
  
"We're coming up on Coruscant," she announced, preparing the ship for re-entry into subspace. And then she was quiet.   
  
"Are you alright?" he asked, not needing to sense the nervousness flowing off of her in waves to know that something was bothering her.   
  
She began to nod, without looking at him, but caught herself short. She sighed instead. "It won't happen, will it?" she said.   
  
He looked at her curiously, not understanding.   
  
She turned to meet his eyes. "Everything we spoke about—about the Academy—it's not going to happen."   
  
"Why do you say that? It all makes so much sense, why wouldn't the Council agree?"   
  
"And you would be there to back me up?"   
  
There was something about the way she asked the question that made Luke think that _how_ he answered was as important as _what_ he answered.   
  
He swiveled his chair to face her and looked steadily at her. He reached out a hand to take one of her own, but she moved it quickly out of reach.   
  
"Mara, I told you I would back you up and I will. Why are you doubting that?" He said it as sincerely as he could, sending a pulse to her through the Force as well.   
  
She shook her head. "I know that you mean it _now_. But once we get there and you're back with all of them, you're going to change your mind."   
  
He felt his defenses rise up immediately. "Are you saying that I would break my word?"   
  
She made a hissing sound and whipped her head away from him. "No, you would keep your word, Skywalker. I don't doubt that. But you wouldn't really believe in it anymore."   
  
"If you don't want to do this, Mara, then you don't have to. I'm not forcing you into anything."   
  
She turned back to him and her eyes flashed. "You couldn't force me into anything, if you tried."   
  
Luke leaned back in frustration. Wonderful, now they were back at bickering.   
  
"Could you at least give me a _reason_ why you have so little faith in me?"   
  
Her eyes flashed again and her hair seemed to burn around her face. "Because anytime you get within a light-year of Callista, it's like you're on sweetblossom."   
  
Luke stared at her in disbelief. Callista?! What right did she have to interfere in his relationship with Callista?   
  
He could feel his anger building and he stood up suddenly, walking away before he did or said something he regretted.   
  
What Mara said then was the last thing he expected.   
  
"I'm sorry."   
  
He stopped mid-stride. "Sorry about what?" he asked without turning around.   
  
She sighed in frustration, but he sensed her quickly working to control herself.   
  
"I'm sorry for what I said about Callista," she answered finally. "I was out of bounds. It's not my place to talk about your wife."   
  
_His wife._   
  
He had heard people say the word so often that he rarely reacted to it anymore. Callista was much more likely to say something, but she could tell that he preferred to leave it, so she usually let it slide.   
  
At the moment, however, hearing Mara say it felt like a slap in the face.   
  
_She's not my wife,_ he thought to himself, bitterly.   
  
"What?!"   
  
He spun around to find Mara staring at him in utter shock. Had he said it outloud? Or had she simply picked up on his thoughts? Either one was possible, he realized.   
  
Mara's face contorted as a number of emotions played across it. He could feel the shock, still, but it was overshadowed by a few other emotions now. Disgust, anger, and…betrayal. He wondered why she would feel betrayed.   
  
"You and Callista aren't married?" Mara finally said, her voice harsh.   
  
Luke sighed and shook his head. He hoped this wouldn't go as badly with Mara as it had with Leia. He braced himself for the lecture, he was sure would follow.   
  
But her sense changed again and when she finally spoke there was only puzzlement. "Why not?"   
  
He let his body relax, relieved that this wouldn't be a series of accusations, and moved back to his seat. The ship beeped again, so he settled himself in and waited as Mara brought them out of hyperspace.   
  
A few minutes later, her attention was back on him. He wasn't going to get out of this, he realized, ruefully.   
  
"It's hard to explain," he said. "You have to understand that Callista's coming from a very different world than we come from…"   
  
Mara's eyes suddenly went wide and he felt a pang of embarrassment coming from her. He stopped short.   
  
"What?" he asked.   
  
She shook her head and looked away. "I'm sorry…I just…I shouldn't have asked. It's your own private business, you don't owe me any explanations. It's fine with me." She paused. "But you _are_ committed to each other, aren't you?"   
  
Luke was taken aback again. If she was so worried about his privacy then why was she asking about his commitment?   
  
"Yes," he answered, firmly. "Of course."   
  
She nodded her head and smiled, but still wouldn't look at him. "Good. That's good enough for me."   
  
Luke stared at her, trying to make sense of her strange reactions. What did his and Callista's relationship have to do with her?   
  
"I don't mind explaining it to you," he said slowly, watching her face. "You're my friend, you have a right to know."   
  
Mara turned back to him, her expression as soft as he'd ever remembered it. "I hope that I'm your friend, but I still don't have to know."   
  
_We might have made a good couple in another life,_ he thought, suddenly, but quickly pushed the thought from his mind. He had to deal with the here-and-now, not with the might-have-been. Right now Mara was his friend, his colleague, he hoped, and he felt the need to explain it to her.   
  
"In the Old Order," he began, "Jedi didn't marry."   
  
Mara looked at him skeptically. "Um, wasn't your father a Jedi?"   
  
Luke shrugged. "Apparently that was an exception. Maybe even the first step in his move away from the Jedi."   
  
Mara's eyebrows went up, but she didn't make the sarcastic comment he was expecting. "That must be uncomfortable to think about."   
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
She looked as though she regretted saying anything, but seemed to brace herself and continued. "The idea that your parents' marriage was the start of something evil, instead of something good."   
  
Luke stared at her in shock. They really _had_ grown closer on Nirauan. He didn't think he'd ever discussed this with anyone other than Callista, who had sympathized, but—considering the topic—she hadn't really understood why it bothered him. It was fairly straightforward in her eyes.   
  
Mara, on the other hand, had gotten it in one shot. There was a pang in his heart as he thought again about all the years they'd spent not speaking to each other. He had apparently missed out on having a real confidant, something like Leia had with Callista. He sometimes felt like he wasn't welcome when those two were having a heart to heart.   
  
He smiled softly at Mara. "I _do_ feel that way sometimes, but then again," he let the smile turn into a grin, "I don't think that _everything_ that came out of the marriage was evil."   
  
Mara looked at him blankly. "What do you mean?"   
  
"What do I…" He stopped short and took in her expression again. He rolled his eyes. "Very funny, Mara."   
  
She chuckled, in clear enjoyment. "I know."   
  
"_As_ I was saying, the old Jedi didn't marry, they were celibate."   
  
Mara snorted.   
  
"What?" he asked, defensively.   
  
"Oh, come on, Skywalker," she said, flicking her eyes to the control panel as she eased the ship into orbit around the planet. "Were they gender separated?"   
  
He shook his head. "I don't think so."   
  
"Then they weren't all celibate." She leaned toward him, with a triumphant look in her eyes. "You and I both know that."   
  
The unwanted image of two Jedi locked in a passionate embrace, suddenly jumped into Luke's mind. He blinked and shook his head slightly to get rid of it. He tried not to think too much about the fact that he had imagined the woman with fiery red hair. Or about how close Mara's face was to him.   
  
He leaned back in his chair. "Fine. They weren't all celibate, but they didn't get married. Happy?"   
  
She nodded with a smirk.   
  
He gave her a mock-glare. She just grinned back.   
  
"Okay, so the old Jedi didn't marry," she repeated, then paused for a moment listening to the docking instructions over the comm. "What's that got to do with you and Callista?"   
  
"Well, Callista understands that things are different now, but it's hard for her to just completely throw away everything she was raised believing. She was always taught that marriage was wrong for Jedi and she doesn't feel comfortable doing it."   
  
Mara had begun to move them out of orbit toward the planet, but her hands froze for a second. "Let me get this straight," she said in a clipped tone of voice—much more how Luke had been used to hearing her. "She's alright playing house with you and having sex, but she can't handle the idea of marrying you?!"   
  
Luke's embarrassment at hearing Mara speak so casually of his sex-life was far outweighed by his irritation at her. But even as he confronted her, he could feel the blush creeping onto his cheeks.   
  
"It's not the same thing and you know it!"   
  
"Of course, it's not the same thing," she yelled back at him, punching the controls on the ship, furiously. "That's why people get married. Otherwise, what would be the point?"   
  
He glared at her and forced himself to calm down. "It's not like that," he said, finally. "I've never really pressed her on it. We discussed it a couple of times and she told me how she felt. She said that she probably just needed some time. After that, I figured that it was her move and…"   
  
"And she never made it." Mara didn't seem to be angry anymore, either.   
  
There was silence for a few minutes, as Mara brought them into the government docking bay.   
  
"What about Cray?"   
  
Mara said it so softly that for a moment, he wasn't sure that he had heard her right. But he could see the tense expression on her face and he knew that he had.   
  
"We just…we wanted to have a family," he began. He shrugged in embarrassment. "I didn't see any reason why we had to be legally married in order to do it. And…" He paused, not really wanting to admit the next part.   
  
"And you figured that if Callista had changed her mind about getting married she would have taken the opportunity to say something."   
  
Luke nodded, reluctantly. "I thought that she would, but she never mentioned anything about getting married first."   
  
There was silence as Mara settled them down in the docking bay. Luke started to get up, to get the few things they had with them together, but Mara's hand on his arm stopped him. He looked down at her, expecting her to be looking back at him, but she was looking out the cockpit window.   
  
"How is she?"   
  
Luke stared at her, not understanding where the question had come from. "Callista?"   
  
Mara turned to look at him incredulously. "No. Cray." She said it as though it should have been obvious to him.   
  
He couldn't fathom why she would be so interested in Cay. "She's doing well," he said, cautiously. Then he loosened up as he thought about seeing her again. "She gets into everything and I spend half of my time trying to think up ways to keep our things safe from a force-sensitive child. It isn't easy."   
  
Mara smiled, her eyes far away. "Is she very strong…in the force, I mean."   
  
Luke's eyes went wide as he thought about it. "_Very_ strong. Though, I suppose, it makes sense considering who her parents are."   
  
He had never quite understood the genetics in force-heredity—no matter how many times Cilghal tried to explain it to him—but Cilghal had assured him that she saw no reason why Callista couldn't have a force-sensitive child. Whatever it was that had rendered Callista force-less shouldn't necessarily pass on to the child. All the same it had taken some convincing for Callista to agree to it. She had been so afraid that she would be to "blame" if Luke had a child as blank in the force as she was.   
  
Truth be told, he couldn't have cared less. He just wanted a child.   
  
In the end, though, Cay had been stronger than even Callista had dared hope.   
  
"What does she look like?"   
  
Mara's question pulled him out of his thoughts. "Who? Cay?"   
  
Mara wrinkled her brow. "_Cay_?"   
  
Luke grinned, realizing that there was no way Mara could have known about Cay's nickname. "Yeah, that's what we call her." He paused. "Well, that's what she started calling herself, so we went along with it."   
  
"She sounds precocious."   
  
"Stubborn, is more like it," he corrected her. The ship had come to a stop and he could see figures toward them. They would have to leave soon. As much as he was looking forward to seeing Callista and Cay again—it was why they'd come to Coruscant directly after stopping at Karrde's base on Cafior—he realized that he would miss this time with Mara.   
  
"Wonder where she gets _that_ from," Mara mumbled.   
  
"Hey, I'm not _that_ bad!"   
  
Mara looked at him in surprise. "I wasn't talking about you."   
  
"Oh," he said, disconcerted. He'd never really thought of Callista as stubborn, but he supposed that she was, in her own way. He wondered how Mara had picked it up. The two women had barely spoken to each other over the years. They hadn't been mean to each other, they just hadn't gotten much of a chance to get to know one another. He wondered if that would change now.   
  
"So, what does she look like?" Mara asked again. She reached into her pocket to pull out a tiny holo-disk, Luke supposed she'd had it with her in the suit she wore on Nirauan. "I have this one picture of her, but she's so little that it's hard to tell."   
  
Luke stared in stunned disbelief as Mara activated the holo and a tiny image of his daughter, no more than a few weeks old, materialized in the palm of her hand.   
  
Why in the world would Mara have a holo of Cay?   
  
"Wh-where did you get that?" he managed to ask.   
  
"Callista sent it to me."   
  
He wondered if his eyes could get any bigger. "Callista?"   
  
"Yeah." Mara was distracted, looking at the holo, otherwise she would surely have noticed his bewilderment. "She said that she would send me more as she got older, but…" Mara shrugged. "I guess that she got busy. It's easy to forget that kind of thing and it really isn't such a big deal. It just would have been nice to have."   
  
Luke didn't think he could get any more confused. Mara and Callista had been corresponding through the years? About Cay? A million questions flew through his mind.   
  
"She looks like me," he said, instead. "Callista says she doesn't really see it, but, I'm telling you, Cay's almost a spitting image of what I looked like as a child. Before I got my face rearranged on Hoth, anyway."   
  
Mara had a far-away look in her eyes. "What color is her hair?"   
  
"Blond, right now," he said. "I suppose that it'll get darker as she gets older."   
  
"And her eyes are blue, I guess."   
  
"No, actually, that's the one difference," he told her. "They're more…hazel." He shrugged his shoulders. "That was the one surprise. I suppose that I expected them to be blue like mine or grey."   
  
Mara's eyes flew to his and he wasn't sure how to interpret either the look she gave him, or the feelings she was quickly blocking off from him. "Grey? Why grey?"   
  
Luke wrinkled his brow. "Well, because of Callista. Her eyes are grey." Something made him say it softly, unsure of what was going on inside of Mara.   
  
Mara continued to stare at him without saying anything. He could feel some sort of _change_, a realization dawning over her, but had no way of knowing what it was about.   
  
"Oh," she said suddenly, and turned away. "I thought that her eyes were blue."   
  
Luke nodded, even though the explanation rang false in his ears. There was something else there. Something important.   
  
"Do you want to see her?" he asked softly, feeling as though he was on unsteady ground.   
  
Mara turned back to him, her eyes bright. "Would that be alright? Do you think Callista would mind?" She sounded almost apprehensive.   
  
"No, of course not. Why would she mind?"   
  
Mara shook her head and Luke could see her biting her lip for a moment. "No reason. Yes, I'd like to see her."   
  
"Alright, then," he said, smiling warmly. To his delight, she smiled back, looking somewhat comfortable again. "We'll head over to my apartment as soon as they finish interrogating us." He nodded his head over to the uniformed officials waiting impatiently at the hatch of the ship.   
  
"Oh, I could wait. I'm sure that you want some time alone with them first…"   
  
He waved his hand to cut her off. "I'll have plenty of time alone with Callista and Cay before we head back to Yavin, don't worry about it. Besides, this way you can tell Callista about some of the ideas you have before bringing it in front of the Council."   
  
"Right, that." Mara grimaced. "Fine, I'll give it a try."   
  
Luke opened his mouth to reply, but a finger in his face stopped him short.   
  
"Don't even say it."   
  
Luke clamped his lips shut and looked at her innocently.   
  
She shook her head and snorted, before brushing past him out of the cockpit.

* * *


	2. Homecoming

A/N: Here's more!  And just to make clear: Don't worry, this is an L/M fic—I just don't hate Callista J

Thanks for the reviews!

* * *

  
_That is what I imagine love to be:   
incompleteness in absence.   
  
Goncourt_   
  
Chapter Two: _Homecoming_   
  
  
As soon as they got off the lift, they could see her tall, slim figure coming toward them.   
  
_She floats,_ he had once said to Leia, trying to describe Callista's walk. It wasn't that she was exceptionally graceful, but that movement seemed so natural to her. Strange for someone who had been without a body for so long.   
  
"Luke!" He heard her call out, as they approached. He felt a wide smile form on his lips and he quickened his pace.   
  
_Callista._   
  
At that moment he could think of nothing more than seeing Callista and touching Callista and feeling the way Callista made him feel.   
  
He hurried down the hallway and in a moment she was in his arms. The feeling of rightness—with himself and with the world—tumbled over him. Everything was fine, everything was good; there was nothing at all to worry about. He inhaled her scent and pressed her more tightly against his body, feeling her breasts pushing against his tunic.  He wanted take her inside to worship her body.  He could almost taste her lips against his, could almost feel her soft skin beneath his hands…  
  
_Keep it to yourself, Skywalker; I'm **really** not interested!_   
  
He flinched and immediately pulled away from Callista, feeling blood flow into his face. For a moment there, he had forgotten all about Mara, all about Nirauan. All about everything, in fact, except for the beautiful woman facing him. She looked at him, smiling, but confused.   
  
"Are you alright?" she asked softly, running her fingers lightly over his jaw.   
  
"Yes. I just…" He leaned in to whisper in her ear. "I wasn't shielding very well just now and I don't think Mara appreciated it."   
  
She laughed lightly, but Luke saw some surprise in her eyes as they flickered over to Mara, who was taking her time catching up to them.   
  
Stepping around him, Callista extended her hand to Mara. "Mara," she said. "I'm so glad to see that you're alright. We were very worried."   
  
Mara nodded and reached out to grip Callista's hand. To Luke's surprise, he could sense nervousness coming from Mara and he noticed that she didn't quite meet Callista's eyes.   
  
But when Callista was clearly about to pull her hand away, Mara held on. Callista looked at her expectantly.   
  
"I…" Mara cleared her throat and tried again. "I just wanted to thank you for…for letting Luke fly off to give me a hand…"   
  
_To **rescue** you,_ Luke couldn't help sending.   
  
Mara paused for a brief moment to glare at him, before re-focusing her eyes on her hand clasped in Callista's. "_Rescue_ me," she amended, smoothly.   
  
Out of the corner of his eye, Luke noticed Callista glance swiftly over at him. He turned to grin at her, but she already had her attention back on Mara.   
  
"Anyway, I'm sure it wasn't easy having him away like this. So…thanks," Mara finished lamely, finally releasing her grip.   
  
Luke could tell that Callista was somewhat taken aback by this suddenly gracious side of Mara, but she recovered quickly. "I admit that I was worried about Luke…about both of you. But I couldn't let him ignore his vision." She grinned suddenly—that somewhat mischievous grin Luke had come to associate with her open wit. "Besides, I haven't figured out a way to control Luke yet." Her grin grew wider. "I'm still working on it."   
  
Mara's eyebrows came up and, for the first time, she looked directly at the taller woman.   
  
_You seem to be doing just fine,_ Luke heard faintly in his mind, before he quickly shut off the unconscious connection. He didn't think he'd been meant to hear it and he certainly wasn't in the mood right now for an argument with Mara. No matter how much a part of him may have wanted to tell her off.   
  
He shunted his irritation to the side and cleared his throat, breaking what had become an uncomfortable silence between the two women. They both turned to him.   
  
He was caught off guard for a moment, realizing that he didn't have anything to say. "Um…I hope it's alright. I brought Mara over because she wanted to…"   
  
He felt a surge of panic from Mara and stopped mid-sentence to look at her. She quickly stepped in.   
  
"I actually wanted to discuss a few things about the Academy with you. But if now's not a good time…I'm sure you wanted some time alone with your family…"   
  
"Oh no, it's perfectly fine!" Callista said, quickly, though Luke could tell that she was extremely curious about what Mara could possibly have to say about the Academy. "I wasn't sure when Luke would be getting back, but I have some food prepared. There's more than enough for all of us. We could talk over dinner."   
  
"Thanks," Mara said composedly, but Luke had to hold back a chuckle when he heard the mental equivalent of a stomach growl from her.   
  
Mara must have sensed his amusement, however, because she pinned him with a glare. "At least, _some_ of us didn't spend three quarters of the debriefing scarfing down telti cakes."   
  
"Hey, those things aren't bad, once you get used to them."   
  
"Actually, Luke," Callista interrupted. "Telti cakes were first developed to wear down the resistance of uncooperative prisoners."   
  
"Yeah," Mara continued, without missing a beat. "Why do you think they always serve them when you're waiting to talk to Security?"   
  
"Are you serious?" Luke asked, feeling his eyes go wide.   
  
Both women nodded.   
  
"Face it, Skywalker. You'll eat anything."   
  
"No, I…There are lots of things I don't like. Callista, tell her…"   
  
He turned to find Callista, smiling widely, her eyes twinkling with suppressed laughter. He turned back to Mara. She had one eyebrow raised and one corner of her mouth twitched.   
  
He looked back and forth between both women in shock. Had Callista and Mara just joined forces…to _tease_ him?   
  
The chuckle that Callista had been keeping in suddenly burst out. "Come on, Mara," she said warmly. "I'll show you in."   
  
Mara walked past Luke to accompany Callista down the hallway.   
  
Luke stared after them for a few moments before shaking his head roughly and following after.

* * *

I'll post more tomorrow—sorry so short ;)


	3. Dinner Conversations

A/N: Sorry this took much longer than it was supposed to!

* * *

_Family   
Annoys with a look,   
Comforts with a sigh,   
And encourages with the smallest of smiles.   
  
Ithorian proverb, free translation_   
  
Chapter Three: _Dinner Conversations_   
  
  
After their brief alliance in the hallway, Luke had expected whatever tension there had been between Mara and Callista to disappear over dinner. Instead, Mara stayed uncomfortably silent. He ended up having to tell Callista the story of their "adventures" on Nirauan with almost no help from Mara.   
  
She did make a few additions and corrections, of course, but not out loud. In fact, she was so quiet that he almost jumped out of his seat when she suddenly interrupted him as he started relating her sacrifice of the Jade's Fire. She took over the storytelling at that point and didn't allow him to interject anything.   
  
And he definitely had a few things to say. To his shock, Mara spoke about the entire episode with a completely unemotional façade, as though the decision had been a simple one for her.   
  
When she finished, she promptly closed up for the remainder of the story.   
  
He tried nudging her mentally to explain the significance of what had happened, but he quickly found that she had closed herself off through the Force as well. Frustrated with her refusal to contribute, he ignored her for the rest of the meal.   
  
Immature, he knew, but how else was he supposed to deal with her when she was like this?   
  
He hadn't counted on annoying Callista, however.   
  
He knew that Callista could sense the tension between them, even if she couldn't overhear their curt mental comments. A few raised eyebrows and slight nods in Mara's direction, told him that she didn't appreciate his reaction. But he steadfastly refused to give in—after all, it was Mara who had closed herself off in the first place. By the time dessert came around, Callista had had enough and she took matters into her own hands.   
  
"It sounds like you had quite an experience, Mara," she said, and her tone left no room to beg off the question. Mara had to answer.   
  
At least, that's what Luke thought.   
  
"I guess," Mara said, instead, with a shrug.   
  
Luke almost kicked her under the table, but settled for just glaring at her. She had _wanted_ to come over and she had _asked_ to speak with Callista. What had happened to the woman from the ship who couldn't stop talking?   
  
But she wouldn't meet his eyes, so the glare was wasted. Instead, he looked back at Callista, shaking his head and raising his hands slightly in defeat.   
  
And just a bit of gloating. Hadn't he told her it wouldn't work?   
  
Callista was undeterred, however.   
  
"That must have been difficult for you to lose your ship like that; I'm sure it was very expensive."   
  
Luke winced at Callista's words, but thought that it might actually be enough to set Mara off.   
  
Mara just shrugged again. "It can be replaced."   
  
"I suppose so," Callista agreed, but Luke could tell that she was getting somewhat frustrated with Mara herself.   
  
"Mara, you said that you wanted to speak to me about the Academy, didn't you?"   
  
Luke's eyes widened with admiration. No beating around the bush for Callista, she went straight for the kill.   
  
Kind of like Mara, he realized, uncomfortably, as he saw her eyes narrow and felt her sense change dangerously.   
  
There was a long moment of silence when Luke thought that Mara was either going to bolt or start yelling. To his surprise, she did neither.   
  
"Yes," she answered finally. Her back straightened and she leaned forward onto the table, resting on her elbows and clasping her hands in front of her, looking Callista straight in the eye. Suddenly, all business.   
  
"Skywalker and I ended up talking a lot on Nirauan about how things are run at the Academy and with the Jedi, in general. We thought up a few ideas, maybe, changes that could be made for things to run more according to his original goals in re-establishing the Jedi."   
  
Callista leaned back in her chair, giving Mara the upper-hand in the conversation. "I see," she said. Though she spoke pleasantly enough, Luke could tell that her expression was plastered on. "And what exactly did you come up with."   
  
If Mara noticed Callista's sudden coldness, she didn't show it. She rolled, full throttle, into a detailed account of many—though not all, he noted—of the ideas they had thrown around.   
  
Callista listened to it all, nodding her understanding at different parts, but Luke could almost feel the temperature drop in the apartment the longer Mara went on. Mara, however, continued heedlessly, similar to what she had done on the ship. When she was finally through, she had to gasp in a lungful of air.   
  
"Is that all?" Callista asked, and Mara couldn't ignore the sarcasm this time.   
  
"No," Mara answered, nearly as coldly. "But those were the most important points."   
  
Callista said nothing for a few moments. Then she turned to look at Luke. "What do you think of all this, Luke?" she asked.   
  
Luke felt his stomach jump suddenly into his throat. He had not meant for it to go this way.   
  
"Well," he began, then paused.   
  
_You said you would back me up on this, Skywalker…_   
  
He glanced at Mara quickly, annoyed. _Welcome back,_ he thought back at her. **_You_**_ said we would do this together._   
  
He looked away and cut off her response by saying, "I think that it all makes a lot of sense."   
  
Mara's sense immediately changed from betrayal to relief. _That's a start,_ he heard.   
  
Callista nodded. "Mara, I think these ideas address some of the issues we've been struggling with for years. But I'm not sure that you have a complete grasp of everything we deal with on a daily basis at the Academy."   
  
It was Mara's turn to lean back in her chair, silently, lips pursed.   
  
"I'll be perfectly honest with you, Mara," Callista continued, and Luke cringed. Callista did not lose her temper, but, in his experience, being 'perfectly honest' with someone meant that she was going to be _brutally_ honest. That she was going to tell that person everything that she had ever wanted to say to them. "I really don't see what makes you think that you are suddenly an expert on the Academy or Jedi, Mara. You have always made it abundantly clear that you want as little to do with us and our teachings as possible. We have invited you in, we have tried to make you feel welcome, but you not only turn us down, you mock us. You are in no position to be making changes to a system that has been working for more than half a dozen years and for thousands of years before the Empire."   
  
Luke tried motioning to Callista. He went so far as to clear his throat and widen his eyes in warning. But she wouldn't stop. He turned fearfully to watch Mara as she continued.   
  
He didn't like what he saw. Mara was still leaning back in her chair, her arms crossed in front of her, but she looked up at Callista now through slitted eyes. She was motionless, but Luke could sense the swirling emotions in her and he waited apprehensively for the explosion.   
  
"I know that part of the reason you've never joined us is because of some of our flaws. But every system has flaws. Being a Jedi means humbling yourself to what others can teach you, not about changing everyone and everything to fit your selfish needs. Being a Jedi is about giving yourself over to the Jedi ideals completely. You have never done that, Mara. You have never been able to give that commitment…"   
  
And suddenly Luke felt Mara snap. He reached out a hand to stop her, he sent a wave a calmness to her, but it was much too late.   
  
"Who the _hell_ are you to talk about commitment?!"   
  
"_Mara!_" Luke was on his feet in an instant. He glanced hurriedly at Callista and could see right away that she understood the implication of Mara's accusation. He had told Mara about his relationship with Callista as a friend. What right did she have to throw it back in Callista's face?   
  
"Don't even _try_ it, Skywalker!" Mara was stepping away from the table, away from him. "I didn't ask for adulation, I only asked to be heard. But you are all so mired in your self-righteousness that you can't move past what we _all_ can see are major problems with the system."   
  
She turned to point a finger at Callista who was quickly getting over her shock. "I know that I haven't exactly been a faithful follower of your little group. But I _always_ supported the idea of the Jedi and I have _never_ mocked it to _any_ outsiders. If you think that, you can just…"   
  
And suddenly, she stopped. She didn't just stop speaking, or moving, she stopped everything. Her thoughts, her emotions—everything clicked to a stop and seemed to move in a completely different direction.   
  
"Cray," she said hoarsely, then shook her head. "_Cay_ is waking up."   
  
Callista's head shot up. "Oh," she said, as she rose quickly. She started moving off to Cay's bedroom, but hesitated and turned back for a moment. "Is she alright?"   
  
Callista didn't bother asking Mara how she knew that Cay was awake, Luke noticed. Mara's training in other areas of the force may have been lacking, but her telepathic abilities and skills were still far beyond any of the other Jedi.   
  
Mara's eyes were far away for a moment. "She's fine. I think…she just wants you."   
  
Callista nodded once, then turned and disappeared around the corner.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to **everyone** for the reviews!

**Brigantia:**  I also was never sure what to think of Callista.  This fic is kind of my way of dealing with that.

**Ariapaige:** Sorry it took so long, in the end!

**December Wind:** Wow, original – talk about a compliment! J

**Ambassador Cara Jade:** Thanks for thinking that I'm going to do _it _well, but what do you hate about it?


	4. Cay

_All children are cute.   
Okay...well, most, anyway._   
  
_General Han Solo_   
  
Chapter Four: _Cay_  
  
  
Mara was going to leave. She herself may not have realized it yet, but Luke could tell from her stance, from the detached look in her eyes, and from the subtle shift in her emotions.   
  
He'd seen it often enough to know.   
  
"Mara," he said, quickly, laying a hand on her upper arm. It was suddenly very important that he not allow her to leave it like this. Some part of him was sure that she wouldn't be back. "Mara, stay a little bit. You wanted to see Cay, didn't you?"   
  
Mara turned wide eyes on him. "No." She shook her head and started backing away, stopping only when Luke's hand started pulling slightly on her arm. "No, I changed my mind. I…I've got to go."   
  
She turned her head to the door, but didn't move toward it.   
  
"Come on, Mara," Luke pressed. "Don't leave it like this. What about everything we talked about…"   
  
Mara's head whipped back to face him. "You saw how she reacted, Skywalker. Do you think the rest of the Council is going to be any different?"   
  
"Mara, you didn't even tell her about the Fire, or about finishing your training. How did you expect her to react?"   
  
Mara shook her head again. "It wouldn't have made a difference, and you know it."   
  
Luke opened his mouth to deny it, but stopped himself. He wasn't honestly sure how Callista would have reacted knowing the whole story. Instead, he ignored her point and switched tactics, releasing his grip on her arm.   
  
"So, that's it? You're just going to drop everything you said about making a commitment, about finishing your training. We'll just both forget Nirauan ever happened."   
  
He sensed her temper flare in response, but she quickly subdued it. He almost smiled with pride, in spite of himself.   
  
"No," she said, calmly. "I meant what I said. I'll finish my training. But I'm not promising to stick around after that if things stay the same."   
  
Luke felt as though a weight had been taken off his shoulders. If, after her experience with Callista, Mara was still willing to stay, he knew that nothing would prevent her from following through.   
  
Luke smiled at her. "Alright. But I still think that…"   
  
He stopped short, feeling a familiar presence enter the room. He turned around to greet her a moment before she cried out, "Daddy!"   
  
And then she was wriggling free of Callista's arms and running toward him. He could tell that she was still half-asleep from the somewhat twisted path she took to get to him, but once she was there she managed to jump into his outstretched arms. She giggled uncontrollably as he threw her up into the air a few times—careful not to use the force as he often did—until her laughter dissolved into loud hiccups.   
  
"Da-uh-ddy," she gasped out, finally, and cuddled firmly into his shoulder.   
  
"Hey, Cay," he whispered, kissing her softly, but loudly, on the nose.   
  
"Amazing," Callista said with a grin as she neared them. "She was too tired to get her hair brushed before we came out, but a few rounds with Daddy she can handle."   
  
Luke winked at her over Cay's head and grinned back.   
  
Cay suddenly twisted in his arms to look intensely over his shoulder.   
  
"Daddy, who zat lady?" she asked, pointing one chubby finger out.   
  
Luke turned to look at Mara, who was standing quietly to his right. Cay shifted positions so that she could keep her eyes on Mara as well.   
  
Before he could answer, Callista reached out to rub Cay's back and said, "This is Aunt Mara, Cay."   
  
Luke looked in shock at Callista. She wasn't one to give people titles loosely. In fact, the only person who Cay called "Aunt" was Leia. He supposed that it was some sort of a peace-offering from Callista. He tried to smile his appreciation, but couldn't catch Callista's eye.   
  
"Aunt Mawa?" Cay repeated.   
  
Luke nodded in confirmation. "Aunt Mara and I had to go very, very far away for a while, but we both wanted to come and see you as soon as we got back."   
  
He could sense some displeasure coming from Mara, but he decided to ignore it.   
  
"Do you know what Aunt Mara can do, Cay?" Callista asked in a stage whisper.   
  
Cay twisted her neck to look at her mother, her eyes widening in curiosity.   
  
"You know how Daddy plays that game with you when he talks without moving his lips?"   
  
Cay nodded vigorously, eyes wider still.   
  
"I bet that Aunt Mara could play that game really well."   
  
Cay turned shyly back to Mara. "Wanna play?" she asked, hesitantly.   
  
Luke sensed some sort of communication pass from Mara to the little girl and suddenly Cay was giggling again. She turned to look back at Callista. "Aunt Mawa is _loud_!"   
  
Callista smiled encouragingly at her, but Luke could tell that the expression didn't quite reach her eyes. Callista always tried to think of different ways to help in developing Cay's powers, but it still hurt her sometimes that she couldn't have a more direct role.   
  
"Do you want to try talking back to Aunt Mara, Cay?"   
  
"Okay!" Cay answered, happily.   
  
Luke had tried teaching Cay how to speak back, but at this age, there was so much chaos in her mind, that it was very to difficult to pick out anything clearer than general emotions and senses.   
  
He sensed Mara telling Cay a few more things and a moment later Cay was squeezing her eyes shut as she attempted to "concentrate." Luke, who had long ago given up on getting Cay to concentrate on _anything_ exclusively, for at least a few more years, wasn't surprised when he felt Cay sigh in frustration.   
  
"Aunt Mawa hold Cay," she announced, suddenly, and promptly threw herself into Mara's arms. It was only Mara's Jedi reflexes that prevented the little girl from going crashing to the floor.   
  
For a moment, Mara looked uncomfortable holding Cay, but her natural grace quickly kicked in and she adjusted her stance and her arms so that she was cradling Cay on one hip.   
  
"Pretty hair," Cay said, as soon as she was situated comfortably. She reached up to tug on a lock, but Mara intercepted her hand.   
  
"Thanks, but I prefer it to stay on my head," Mara told her, tucking the hand in between their bodies.   
  
Cay looked at her blankly for a moment, then burst out into giggles. "You is funny, Aunt Mawa."   
  
Mara's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Uh…thanks," she said, clearly unsure of how to respond.   
  
"No, no," Cay said, freeing her hand and swatting Mara lightly on the chest. "Whisper game."   
  
Mara wrinkled her brow in confusion before understanding dawned. Luke sensed her "whispering" to Cay again and guessed what it was about when Cay suddenly pulled her hand back.   
  
"Now, we play?" the girl asked, hopefully.   
  
Mara nodded and Luke picked up a snatch of conversation—_as long as it stays that way_—before the two moved off together.   
  
Callista moved to lean against him as they listened to Cay's one-sided conversation. It mostly involved Cay's various attempts to escape her crib, he noted with amusement. He had built Cay a special crib a few months ago because she managed to escape so easily from the previous one.  The builders of the old crib hadn't had a force-sensitive child in mind when building, apparently.  From the direction the conversation was going, Luke could tell that Mara was trying to find something that Cay was so interested in that she might be able to focus on.   
  
"I'm sorry about before with Mara," Callista whispered.   
  
He caught her hand in his own and squeezed. "It's alright. I understood where you were coming from."   
  
"But…"   
  
He chuckled; she knew him so well. "But I think that we need to continue the conversation. There are a few things that Mara neglected to mention."   
  
Callista sighed. "Why am I not surprised?"   
  
Luke shrugged, but didn't answer as he fought down a suddenly defensive reflex.   
  
"She could be so great," Callista said, suddenly, wistfully. She motioned with her hand to Mara who was trying to deposit Cay on the couch next to her. Cay would have none of it and immediately climbed up into her lap. "Look at her with Cay. Wouldn't it be so wonderful if she could be there to help train her?"   
  
Luke nodded, thoughtfully. There were certainly more than enough qualified teachers—and there would be even more by the time Cay was old enough to train—but Callista had noticed Cay's aptitude for empathy and possibly telepathy. Most children Cay's age—even Jacen and Jaina—weren't yet able to pick up structured thoughts from others. Mara would be ideally suited to train someone with that type of inborn ability. It was the same ability that had made her attractive to the Emperor in the first place, he supposed.   
  
"Maybe she _will_ be able to do it," Luke insisted, careful to keep his voice down.   
  
Callista shook her head. "No, I don't think so. She's too obsessed with her own sense of independence. However false it is."   
  
"I think you're wrong," Luke said, before he could stop himself. Callista looked at him with shock; he rarely spoke so bluntly. He squeezed her hand again and smiled apologetically. "Some things that happened on Nirauan changed my mind." He turned to look at Mara. "I think she's ready this time, Callie. I think she'll do it. We just have to give her the support she needs."   
  
Callista sighed and pulled his arm around her waist. "You're more optimistic than I am, Luke. But I hope you're right. I really do hope so."   
  
Luke tightened his grip around her waist, noticing for the first time since arriving that her outfit was more fitted than what she would usually wear around the house.  He wondered for a moment what his homecoming would have been like if Mara _hadn't_ come along, but quickly pushed the thought from his mind, remembering the incident in the hallway, when his gaze settled, uncertainly, on Mara again.  He believed and trusted her when she said that she would commit to the Jedi, but he had been disappointed by her so many times before that it was hard to have no doubts of her sincerity.   
  
_But you didn't have any doubts on Nirauan,_ he told himself, _none at all._   
  
Still, that was on Nirauan. Things had seemed so clear-cut there, but, now that he was back he was starting to remember "real life." Mara might start to do the same. And "real life" for Mara meant being independent.   
  
He shrugged off those thoughts as he watched Mara carry Cay down the hallway to her bedroom. As long as Mara was still willing, he would give her his support, he promised himself.   
  
"Mara, is everything all right?" Callista called out, stepping away from him.   
  
"Yeah," Mara said. "Cay's just going to show me her crib."   
  
"Oh," Callista said in a confused tone of voice.   
  
Luke held back his chuckle till Mara and Cay were out of sight.   
  
"What's so funny?" Callista demanded.   
  
"Mara," he answered.   
  
Callista's expression told him that she still didn't get the joke.   
  
"With the crib…and Cay…"   
  
Callista looked at him blankly.   
  
"Don't you get what she's trying to do?"   
  
"Would you care to explain?" she asked sternly, but her eyes twinkled with humor.   
  
"She's going to…" he began, but stopped, clutching his head, when a single—and extremely loud—word suddenly rang in his head.   
  
**_OUT!_**   
  
It took him a few moments before he stopped laughing long enough to explain his strange behavior to Callista, who was looking at him worriedly.   
  
"I think," he gasped out. "I think that Mara put Cay back in bed and kept her there till she could tell her through the force to take her out."   
  
"And it worked?" Callista asked, incredulously.   
  
"Mommy!"   
  
Mara and Cay had emerged from the bedroom with smiles on their faces. Cay's smile was significantly wider than Mara's, but they were both still smiling.   
  
"Mommy, I did it! I whispered like Daddy!"   
  
"'Whisper' is not quite the word I would use," Mara quipped, as she lowered Cay to the ground so she could run toward Callista.   
  
Luke released Callista who pulled Cay into a hug.   
  
"I'm _so_ proud of you, sweetheart."   
  
Cay giggled with pride. "Aunt Mawa said I was es…estummy good."   
  
"_Extremely_ good," Mara explained.   
  
"Aunt Mara would know," Callista told her. "If it's alright with her, maybe Aunt Mara will come by another time to play with you."   
  
Mara shrugged noncommittally, but Luke could tell that she was willing.   
  
"But, Aunt Mawa?" Cay asked, seriously   
  
"Yeah?"   
  
"We not gonna play in the crib again, okay?"   
  
Mara smiled—probably the biggest smile Luke had ever seen on her—and answered, "No, we don't have to play in the crib." 

* * *

A/N: **Altorogue:** Tying up loose ends is exactly what I was going for.  I didn't feel that Luke ever got real closure with Callista.  Hambly basically made sure that there _was_ no real closure.  But I agree—I'm glad it didn't happen this way!

**CJ Jade:** I don't think that Callista was characterized very well in the novels, so I'm attempting to give her some depth here.  We'll see if it works!

**Achica:** Hmmm.  It'll become fairly obvious in another couple of posts (if it hasn't already) if you think you can hold out till then.

**Ambassador Cara Jade:** I'm not sure what this says about my ego, but I assumed that you _weren't_ talking about the story J  As for catfights: have no fear.  This won't even really be about Luke choosing between _them_, as much as it will be about Luke choosing between…well, you'll see J


	5. Confessions

A/N: So, I'm still breathing. Sorry I've been AWOL for so long, but this has, unfortunately, been the last thing on my mind these past few months. I suggest that you go back to read the previous chapters just to refresh your memory before you read this one. Let me know what you think! – Lari

* * *

  
An hour and a half later, Callista managed to get Cay back in "for good." Luke suspected that Callista might have an easier time when he wasn't around. He could be quite firm with Cay when Callista was away, but as soon as they were all together he seemed to melt into an over-indulgent father. Mara, on the other hand, was quite helpful. A cute face, it seemed, wasn't quite enough to sway her. She treated Cay about how she treated everyone else. And—whatever her naturally empathic abilities—Mara wasn't going to win an award any time soon for her pity. When Cay tried to use her as an excuse to stay up, Mara cut her off brusquely and pushed her off onto Callista.  
  
Cay wasn't particularly happy about this and immediately played her ace: Luke. Of course, with Callista _and_ Mara there to glare at him, even he managed to stand strong.  
  
"Pushover."  
  
Luke looked sharply at Mara, sitting across from him on the couch. Callista was still in the bedroom with Cay. "Excuse me?" he asked.  
  
Mara leaned forward, planting her elbows on her knees. "You are a pushover," she repeated, stressing each word.  
  
Luke felt his defenses going up, but instead of being upset, he was somewhat relieved. This was the sort of friendly argument he had missed without Mara around.  
  
"I am _not_ a pushover," he answered, motioning to the bedroom. "Didn't I _tell_ her she had to go?"  
  
Mara raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Yes. But you didn't mean it."  
  
"I wouldn't have said it, if I hadn't meant it."  
  
"Oh, please, Skywalker, if Callista hadn't whisked her away when she did, you would have folded. It only would have taken one more tear."  
  
Luke leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. "I don't know, Mara. You were pretty obliging when Cay gave you the big eyes and asked you to come again."  
  
Mara's eyes narrowed and Luke had the sudden desire to backtrack. A moment later she stood.  
  
"As fun as this has been, Skywalker," she drawled, "I need to be heading out."  
  
Luke came swiftly to his feet, feeling a strange pang at the thought of her leaving. There was still some part of him that doubted whether he would see her again.  
  
"Wait, Mara," he said, a little more loudly than he'd intended. Mara looked at him incredulously, but he ignored this and continued. "Maybe now's a good time to speak with Callista about the Fire and your decision. It's…I think it's important for her to hear it from you."  
  
Mara didn't answer for a few moments, her expression unreadable as she stared at a point somewhere between the couch and the table.  
  
Finally, she blinked and it seemed to Luke that she must have come to some decision. But, instead, she said, softly, "I could tell her another time. It's late."  
  
Luke let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. She was going to stay, he could tell—he just needed to give her a reasonable excuse.  
  
"We shouldn't let it sit, Mara," he began. "We should tell her now, while it's still fresh." _While it's still real,_ he thought to himself, but didn't say.  
  
She looked over at him, an annoyed expression flitting across her face. Apparently that hadn't been reasonable. "Skywalker, if letting it sit for a while is going to make us forget it, then it wasn't true to…"  
  
Luke lay a hand gently on her shoulder, cutting her off in mid-sentence. Her expression hardened, but she didn't pull away.  
  
"Mara," he whispered, without knowing quite what else he meant to say. He reached out hesitantly to her other shoulder and turned her to face him, pulling her a bit closer at the same time. Something flickered through her sense so quickly that he almost missed it, but it was there, and he felt a surge of relief and a pang of guilt at the same time.   
  
Everything she was projecting, through her body language and sense, was stubbornness and strength. As much as he respected those qualities in her, they made it difficult to convince her of things. But just now he had sensed something else: vulnerability, uncertainty. She trusted him not to hurt her, but she also trusted him be honest with her.  
  
He honestly thought she should stay, for her own good, but he knew that it might be painful for her. How could he convince her without making her feel like he was betraying her trust?  
  
"Mara," he repeated, catching her eyes with his own. "Mara, stay."  
  
For a few moments, the vulnerability was there, exposed plainly in her eyes. Luke resisted the urge to back off, to pull her close and tell her that, of course, she didn't have to stay, she could do whatever she wanted.  
  
Suddenly Mara's expression changed completely. "Pushover," she said, with a small grin on her face.  
  
Luke blinked and pulled away from her. "You did that on purpose?" he asked, incredulously.  
  
"Of course not, Skywalker," she answered, with a snort. She walked away from him and let her body fall gracefully back into the couch. He sensed movement behind him and turned partially to see Callista returning as Mara finished, "But I did enjoy it, after the fact."  
  
"Did I miss something?" Callista asked, stopping beside him.  
  
"No," Luke said, quickly. "Mara just decided to stay and finish our conversation."  
  
Callista nodded with—Luke was relieved to see—an open expression on her face. He didn't want a repeat of their last conversation.  
  
"Alright," she said, taking the chair to the left of the couch, next to Mara. "But let's set some ground rules this time."  
  
Luke could practically feel Mara chafing but, to his relief, she said nothing and even nodded in acquiescence.  
  
"This time I need complete honesty," Callista continued, as Luke tried to figure out where to sit.   
  
The other chair in the living area was too far away from either woman and he thought that sitting next to Mara on the couch might be a bit too close for her comfort.   
  
"You can't expect me to react appropriately, when I'm not given all the information," Callista explained.  
  
Finally, he grabbed a chair from the dining table and pulled it over to sit directly across from Mara, with Callista to his right. This way, not only could he reach either of them quickly with a restraining or comforting hand, but he could see both of their faces.  
  
At the moment, Mara's face was extremely tense, but she was nodding again at Callista. "Just so you know…I didn't _mean_ to be so reticent before, it's just…" She paused and glanced at Luke, who managed to give her a supportive nod. He was surprised, but impressed that she was being so open with Callista. "It's just that it's difficult to talk about."  
  
Callista nodded with cautious sympathy. "I know this must be very personal for you, Mara, but remember that I'm not trying to judge you."  
  
Mara cleared her throat suddenly and turned away from the other woman for a few moments.  
  
Luke felt himself flushing in embarrassment on Callista's behalf—she had already judged Mara—and then felt somehow traitorous for the emotion.  
  
"Alright. It was right after we got out of the tunnels," Mara began suddenly, still not looking at Callista. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and grasping her hands together.  
  
Luke noted, only half-consciously, that he could easily reach forward to hold her hands in his own as she spoke, but somehow it didn't feel appropriate to do so just yet.  
  
"Like I said before," Mara continued, "Skywalker and I had done a lot of talking about the Jedi down there. About the New Order, the Academy, the Council, and the Force, in general. It made me think…a lot…about what my issues with the Jedi were. Why I was so reluctant to join, when it was clear to anyone with half a brain that that's where my talents lie."  
  
Callista made a tiny sound that Mara didn't seem to notice, but Luke turned to the side to look at her. She looked vaguely disgusted for a moment, but quickly covered the reaction. Unfortunately, Mara had noticed his movement and caught part of Callista's expression. She stopped abruptly.  
  
_What did I say?_  
  
_Nothing,_ he assured her. _Just a culture gap._  
  
It was true. Luke had learned long ago, that in Callista's day one did not speak openly about her own abilities. It was considered haughty. Mara was one of the most modest people Luke knew, but her modesty consisted of recognizing her strengths and weaknesses, and not thinking she was better or worse than others because of them. Admitting she was imminently suited to be a Jedi was truthfulness, in Mara's eyes, not arrogance. Callista knew that, he was sure, it was just difficult getting used to.  
  
Mara looked at Callista a moment longer, then shrugged and continued. "I've had, unfortunately, a lot of experience with the affects of misusing the Force. I didn't want that again. I've known that was one of my uncertainties for a long time. At least since the resurrection of the Emperor. I couldn't handle that again. I couldn't. And when Luke…"  
  
Mara stopped suddenly and lowered her head so that they couldn't see her face.  
  
Luke stared at her bowed head in shock. They _hadn't_ discussed the resurrection of the Emperor on Nirauan. Mara had certainly never blatantly expressed any fear that Luke might become another Emperor. The fact that she had used his given name when discussing it, made it all the more an intensely personal confession. This wasn't just about Mara and the Jedi, this was about Mara's relationship with the Emperor…and her relationship with Luke.  
  
Part of him was relieved, when she continued, that she didn't complete her thought. Somehow it felt like too much an invasion of her privacy to discuss it in front Callista. And Mara had willingly brought it up. He sent a pulse of admiration to her through the Force and, though she didn't pause in what she was saying, she sent a grateful pulse back.  
  
"…That's what I kept reminding myself, every time I left the Academy. I would tell myself it was because Skywalker wasn't being careful enough—he couldn't handle the responsibility of so many Force users. I convinced myself that they were all walking perilously close to the Darkside."  
  
"Is that when you started working with Kyle Katarn?" Callista asked, suddenly.  
  
Luke had become so focused on Mara that he had forgotten to watch for Callista's reactions. Right now she seemed mostly curious. Intrigued, was perhaps the better word. If there was something else going on inside her head, he couldn't read it in her face.  
  
"You have to understand. This was over a long period of time. I don't remember exactly when Kyle and I hooked up, but at that point I had myself convinced that the _only_ reason I wasn't training at the Academy was because I disagreed with its methods."  
  
"But that wasn't true," Callista prompted.  
  
Mara shook her head. "No." She suddenly held up a hand. "Now, don't get me wrong, I _don't_ agree with all of the methods—it just wasn't the _only_ reason why I wouldn't join."  
  
Mara stopped talking and seemed to be unsure of how to continue. Luke glanced over at Callista, catching her attention, and subtly lifted his eyebrows. If anyone could talk Mara through this it was Callista. One of the greatest skills Callista had retained from her Jedi training was her ability to actively listen to a person and draw out what they were trying to say.  
  
Without any outward response, Callista turned back to Mara. "What happened on Nirauan that made you better able to deal with some of your other issues?"  
  
Mara shrugged and leaned back onto the couch. To Luke's surprise her eyes were on him and he felt some annoyance from her through the Force. His silent exchange with Callista must not have been as subtle as he thought.  
  
_Sorry._  
  
Mara just rolled her eyes in response, before returning her attention to Callista. "Most of it was just getting stuck with Skywalker for so long. There was no one around to have a decent conversation with, so I had to talk to him."  
  
_Thanks._  
  
Mara didn't try to hide her grin at his surly response to her jab. In fact, she brightened up so much that Luke couldn't help but interrupt her again.  
  
_You really get some sort of perverse pleasure out of annoying me, don't you?_  
  
Mara's grin widened. _One of my few joys in life, Skywalker._  
  
Luke tried hard to stay annoyed with her, but it was nice to see her in such a good mood. _Well, far be it from me to deny you any…_  
  
"If you two are _quite_ finished."  
  
Luke jumped in surprise at Callista's interruption. After all these years with her, he still wasn't quite used to being caught off guard. Generally speaking, he was able—consciously or not—to sense things before they happened. With Callista, he had to rely solely on facial expressions and body language to read what was going on inside. They knew each other so well by now that it usually worked. This time, however, her reaction had been totally unexpected.  
  
Of course, he _had_ been somewhat distracted.  
  
Callista was looking at them both with a strange expression on her face. It was as if she was trying to look amused, but failing. She wouldn't meet his eyes, but he was sure that if she had he would have read some deep hurt in them…and an even deeper guilt at feeling that way.  
  
He opened his mouth to apologize, but decided that it was a conversation that would have to wait until Mara was gone.  
  
"I'm sorry," Mara said, breaking in on his thoughts. "But sometimes Skywalker is just asking for it."  
  
"I know what you mean," Callista agreed.  
  
Luke winced inwardly at the somewhat bitter tone of her voice. They would definitely have to have a conversation when Mara was gone.  
  
Callista cleared her throat in the uncomfortable silence that followed. "So, how was Luke able to assuage your worries about the Academy?"  
  
Mara snorted. "He _wasn't_ really. He just…" She rubbed her hand over her face and raked her fingers back into her hair, causing a few strands to escape her braid. "He was willing to _listen_ to me. He didn't make me feel like I was being blasphemous for voicing doubts on the system."  
  
Luke watched Mara intently. He could feel deep emotions churning beneath the surface, not all of which he could identify. His hand itched to take hers, to touch her reassuringly in some way, but she was sitting far back on the couch now, with her arms crossed tightly over her chest. He was hesitant to speak to her through the force, for fear of offending Callista, but he sent her small waves of reassurance. She didn't respond, but he could tell that she was keeping herself open to him.  
  
"He gave you confidence that you wouldn't be rejected if you did decide to join, even with all of your doubts."  
  
Luke turned briefly to look at Callista in admiration. She was focused on Mara and Luke knew that her comments were helping move Mara in the right direction.  
  
"Not exactly," Mara disagreed. "That was partly it, of course, but even more than that… He made me feel that joining the Jedi wouldn't take away my ability to make my own decisions… I could humble myself to the Jedi and still have some degree of control over my own destiny. Nothing was set in stone; I wouldn't get caught up in a wave of conformity that would stifle my own individuality."  
  
"You weren't afraid of losing your independence anymore if you _did_ join," Callista encouraged softly.  
  
"Yes," Mara nodded vigorously, then stopped abruptly and shook her head. "No.  It wasn't that I wasn't afraid of losing it… My independence…I always thought that it made me strong. I needed it…"  
  
_Mara…_  
  
Mara wouldn't meet his eyes, but she wasn't cutting him off from her emotions, either.  
  
"You don't understand," she continued, and Luke was sure that the words were directed more at him than at Callista, but he said nothing. "Since the Emperor died… No, since I expelled him from my psyche for good on Wayland. Since I realized how much control he had had over me even after his death…" She looked up somewhat wildly at Callista. "If I hadn't killed that clone, I don't think that I would have ever gotten rid of the desire to kill Skywalker. It would always have been there, no matter how much I didn't want to fulfill it. Do you know what that means? Do you know what that says about me?"  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, Luke saw Callista nod sympathetically, but it barely registered. He had let his head drop into his hands as he eyes welled up with tears. The emotions from Mara were so intense, so deep, that his heart felt like it was about to burst.  
  
"I _needed_ that independence. I _needed_ it. It made me strong. No one was ever going to control me like the Emperor had. No one. Not the Jedi. Not even Skywalker, no matter how much I trusted him…"  
  
"Then you _didn't_ trust me, Mara. Not really." Luke was surprised at the sound of his own voice. At the bitterness.  
  
Mara looked at him. She wasn't crying, but her eyes were red. "I _did_, Luke. I did. You know that I did."  
  
He opened his mouth to contradict her, but she continued on quickly. "I trusted you as much as I trusted anyone. More than I trusted anyone. More than I trusted Karrde, no matter how loyal I was to him. Do you understand that? I told you things I never told anyone. You didn't judge me. Not ever. Even after everything I did to you. Even when I swore up and down that I wanted to kill you."  
  
Luke shook his head. "Then why didn't you support me? Why didn't you join me when I was trying to build a new Order? You didn't trust me."  
  
Mara stared at him for a few moments. Then she spoke again quietly. "I trusted you more than anyone. But no, I didn't trust you completely. I couldn't. I trusted you, but I didn't trust the Force. And you represented the Force; in my mind you _were_ the Force. I know…I know that doesn't make any sense, but it's true. You came back from the resurrected Emperor _so_ confident. _So_ sure of yourself. _So_ sure of your understanding of the Force… And what was I supposed to say to you? Who was I to tell you that you were going about it all wrong? You wouldn't have listened to me."  
  
Luke opened his mouth to disagree, but she was right. He wouldn't have listened to her back then.  
  
"And then you found Callista and she came with her descriptions of the Old Order. It was as if she had just proved you right…" Mara gasped quietly and turned to look at Callista who was watching compassionately. "I'm sorry, but you just seemed to reinforce everything that scared me. This headlong, heedless plunge further and faster till none of you could stop yourselves. I needed control, I needed limitations. The Old Order had produced Darth Vader. It had crumbled in on itself and all any of you wanted to do was to duplicate it exactly. No matter how much I trusted Skywalker, I didn't trust him with the Academy, I didn't trust him with this New Order.  I didn't trust him with you. So I got as far away from all of it as I could. I needed control. And, for a while, I felt that denying it, denying everything, would give me that control. I was in control of myself, I was in control of my powers. Nothing would control me."  
  
Only now did Mara's eyes well up. Luke felt a tear spill over onto his own cheek and when Mara turned to look at him her own eyes immediately overflowed. Luke reached out his hands toward her, but she instinctively pulled her own away.  
  
_Mara…Mara, please…_  
  
And suddenly, in an uncharacteristically clumsy motion, Mara blindly shoved her hands at him. He caught them in his own and held tight.  
  
"That's what the _Fire_ was to me," Mara explained, as the tears continued to flow. "It was my independence. It was my control. It meant that I didn't need anyone or anything."  
  
"And you sacrificed it." Callista's soft voice calmed Luke, but he could feel Mara's hands begin to tremble.  
  
"Because it was a lie," Mara admitted. "I was so sure that I was so in control. That I was so strong. But in the tunnels, with Skywalker… I needed him…and he needed me. And it didn't make us weak, it made us stronger. It made us stronger when we worked together, it made us greater. I'm not perfect, Skywalker isn't perfect, the Order isn't perfect…the galaxy isn't perfect. It never will be. But we're not alone. The Force joins us all, it pulls us all together. We can do more when we're together…when we listen to each other…when we listen to the Force."  
  
_You knew that, Mara,_ Luke told her, forgetting to speak in deference to Callista. _You always knew that._  
  
Mara nodded. "I knew it. But I couldn't admit it. I _wouldn't_ admit it."  
  
Luke tugged at her hands, trying to pull her into a hug. She had let him hug her twice on Nirauan. But she resisted him, to his frustration.  
  
"Mara…" he began, trying to convince her to let him comfort her.  
  
_No._  
  
The response was very firm and when Luke saw an image of Callista flash across his mind, he loosened his grip on her hands.  
  
The three of them sat like that, in silence, for a while, till Callista finally spoke.  
  
"Mara, thank you for telling me that."  
  
Luke turned in surprise at the sound of Callista's voice. He had never heard her sound so uncertain, so…so young. Callista _always_ sounded confident, always sure of herself. It was one of the things he loved about her: there were never any doubts with Callista. There were never any gray areas. There was only resolution…and action.  
  
"I know that it was hard for you to talk about." Callista's confidence seemed to return suddenly. She reached out a hand and squeezed Mara's shoulder. To Luke's surprise—and pride—Mara didn't shrug her off. "I would be happy to accept you into the Order." She grinned. "No matter how much I'm afraid you're going to shake things up."  
  
Mara nodded. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."  
  
Callista smiled, then stood abruptly. "I'll make you a drink. I think we could all use something, actually."  
  
Mara's face suddenly transformed back to its usual detached expression, as she stood swiftly, unceremoniously yanking her hands out of Luke's grip. "No. That's all right. I need to get going. I've spent too much time here, as it is." Her eyes flicked back and forth between Luke and Callista and then quickly down at her feet. Luke could feel her closing up against him. "I'm sure you'd like some time alone. I didn't mean to intrude…"  
  
"It's all right," Luke said quickly, rising to his feet. "We didn't mind. Really."  
  
He glanced at Callista for confirmation, but she was looking away from him.  
  
"Thanks," Mara said dryly, also glancing at Callista. "But, like I said, I need to get going."  
  
She started walking toward to door, stopping as she passed Callista. "Thanks again for listening."  
  
Callista looked down at her with a somewhat distracted smile. "Of course." She seemed to hesitate. "Mara…I'm glad, you know. And thank you…for everything. You…you're welcome back anytime."  
  
Mara nodded with a stiff smile on her own face. "Yeah. It's fine. Thank you."  
  
Callista nodded and they broke eye contact as Mara continued to the door. Luke squeezed Callista's arm quickly and hurried after Mara.  
  
"Mara, I'll walk you out," he said.  
  
Mara glanced back at Callista again for a moment. "I can manage by myself, Skywalker," she told him. But Luke ignored her, following her out into the hallway.  
  
They walked silently down the hallway to the lift. Mara didn't protest his coming again, but he could tell that she was somewhat annoyed at him.

They maintained the silence as they waited for the lift. 

Mara didn't seem to want to talk and Luke couldn't figure out a way to express what he wanted to say. He wasn't even sure what it was. But it was with a growing panic he didn't quite understand that he watched the lift doors slide open and Mara step in. Then, just as the doors were closing, he reached an arm in and pressed the stop button.  
  
Mara stared at him in surprise.  
  
"Mara…I'm sorry," he told her, something desperate in his voice.  
  
Mara looked down. "There's nothing to be sorry for, Skywalker."  
  
"What you said about me in there," he continued, as though she hadn't interrupted. "You were right. If I had just listened to you…"  
  
Mara shook her head, still not looking at him. "It's not your fault. It's mine. I wouldn't have said anything, anyway."  
  
"But if we had talked, we could have…" he took a step toward her. "Ten years, Mara…"  
  
"It doesn't matter," she answered, stonily. "It wouldn't have made a difference."  
  
He reached out and took her hand in his. "What you said about Nirauan. I felt it, too. I did need you. You made me stronger." He let go of her hand and brought his hands up to hold her face. She kept her eyes on the floor. "I _do_ need you, Mara. You know that, don't you?"  
  
Mara didn't nod, she seemed frozen somehow, and she wasn't letting anything through to him. "Promise you'll come to Yavin. Promise," he said, softly.  
  
"I promise," she said, without hesitation.  
  
Relief flowed through him. "Thank you," he whispered.   
  
Mara didn't respond, still wouldn't look up at him. He meant to hug her then, it was what he commanded his limbs to do. But, instead, he found himself inexplicably, irrationally, bending his head to kiss her.  
  
Suddenly Mara's head jerked up and Luke checked his movement, turning his head to the side to kiss her quickly and innocently on the cheek. He convinced himself that this was what he meant to do in the first place.  
  
Mara stared at him with something in her eyes that Luke couldn't interpret. "Goodnight, Skywalker," she said, and something about the tone of her voice made him step away from her.  
  
"Goodnight, Mara."  
  
He backed out of the lift, his mind in a whirl of confusion that he didn't even attempt to make sense of. Mara reached over to the console and deactivated the stop mechanism, without losing eye contact with him. The doors slid shut between them.  
  
Luke stared at the lift for a few moments before turning to go back to the apartment, telling himself again that he had only meant it as a friendly kiss, it was just the intensity of the emotions he was feeling for Mara that had confused him. They had something special; he was only mixing it up in his mind with his romantic emotions. Just like he had with Leia at the beginning. He would get used to it eventually.  
  
His feelings for Mara were not romantic. They were utterly different than his feelings for Callista. Completely and utterly different. Mara didn't make him feel the sheer contentment that he felt with Callista. She didn't make him forget anything and everything that was going on around him. That was romance. That was really being in love with someone.  
  
Callista greeted him at the door of the apartment …and all thoughts of Mara fled his mind, as he surrendered himself wordlessly to the bliss of Callista's arms.

* * *

  
  
A/N: All right. This took me forever, but—trust me—this is much better than what you would have gotten if I had posted it any earlier. I hope to get more written by next Sunday. - Lari  
  



	6. Distractions

A/N: Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I had almost given up on this story!  I can't believe it's so long since I've updated.  Thanks to those of you who reviewed and kindly encouraged me to continue.  This story isn't exactly the "quick fix" that many romantic fanfics are, so I hope you'll bear with me till the end.  I can only partially blame Darth Real Life for taking so long on this, though.  There were certain things that I did in this chapter that I was very hesitant about doing, since I was unsure how it would turn out.  I got halfway through and chickened out and didn't come back to it for a long time.  I'm not sure if I made the right decision, but I guess you'll have to judge for yourselves (though keep in mind that there's more story coming!).  Anyway, a big part of what I was hesitant about also makes this chapter earn its R-rating.  Don't worry – I tried very hard not to put in too many details and I think (I hope!) it comes across more as something to think about than as something to feel.  I wrote it in a very detached way and it's meant to be read that way as well.  I'll save the other stuff I have to say for the end of the chapter. Chapter 6 - Distractions 

Luke didn't see Mara again for another two days and only then at a briefing with Leia, Karrde, and the High Command.  Between Luke's schedule (preparing for his return to the Academy, trying to convince the Senate that he hadn't made everything up about Nirauan, and spending some much overdue quality time with Cay and Callista) and Mara's schedule (discussing her future plans with Karrde, arranging her business responsibilities so that she could take off time for Yavin, and helping to keep things running smoothly between the Empire and the New Republic) there was very little time to talk over the next few weeks.  It was only after the official ceremony marking the signing of the treaty that Mara was able to free herself up long enough to come to Yavin.

Luke made a real effort to keep in touch in the meantime, making sure to at least leave a message for Mara every few days.  To his surprise, Mara reciprocated, contacting him frequently, even if it was just to glare at him over the holonet and tell him that her latest problem was somehow all his fault.  He sometimes managed to get her to smile before she got off, sometimes he didn't, but she always called back with the next crisis.

"Why don't you ever call when something _good_ happens?" he complained, lightheartedly, to her about a week before he left for Yavin.

"What would be the point?" she countered, leaning across her table for a stray, but apparently vital, data pad and tucking it carefully into the stack on her shelf.

Luke laughed.  "I wouldn't mind knowing that you're not going _completely_ crazy over there."

Mara narrowed her eyes at him.  "And what if I am?"

Luke gaped.  "Are you?"

"No," she answered, with a shrug.  "But your entire purpose as a friend is to amuse me when I'm having a bad day."

Luke raised his eyebrows.  "So, basically, I'm your personal clown."

"Basically," Mara agreed, ducking suddenly out of sight with a cry of triumph.  She reappeared a moment later with a large grin and another data pad clutched in her hand.  "There.  You have now witnessed something good happen in the life of Mara Jade.  I've been looking all over the place for this thing."

Luke ignored her.  "So now I'm curious, what's _your_ purpose as a friend?"

"To make you feel accomplished," Mara replied without hesitation.

"Excuse me?" Luke choked out in surprise.

"You keep me from going crazy.  Now don't you feel accomplished?"

"No."

"Damn!  Do you realize that you're expecting me to redefine my entire role?"

Luke laughed, but he was trying internally to decide whether or not to voice his concerns.

He must have been more obvious than he thought, because Mara sighed loudly.  "Out with it, Skywalker."

Luke opened his mouth, but found himself hesitating.

Mara watched him for a few moments, then dropped her eyes, shifting uncomfortably.  "I was just kidding, you know."

"About what?"

Mara rolled her eyes.  "Our roles," she said dryly, still not looking at him.

Luke looked at her intently, trying to discern her emotions through her facial expressions since he didn't have the force to fall back on at such a distance.  "I knew that," he said, finally.  "I just… "  He hesitated again, but quickly went on when Mara looked up to glare at him.  "You know that you can tell me if anything's bothering you."

Mara continued to stare at him without answering, trying — Luke thought — to look expressionless.  But something had flickered in her eyes when Luke spoke and he knew that there was more going on than frustration with business.

"You don't have to say anything," he said placatingly.  "But I won't be upset if it's … you know, if you're having second thoughts about coming to Yavin."

Mara tilted her head to one side and raised an eyebrow.  "You wouldn't be upset?"

Luke shook his head.  "Of course not."

Mara raised a second eyebrow and Luke felt his cheeks warming up; being this close with Mara had its drawbacks.  "All right.  I admit, I might be a little … upset is a strong word … disappointed, I guess."

To his surprise, Mara smiled warmly at him.  "Thanks."

Luke blinked.  That was not the reaction he had been expecting.  "For what?"

"For saying you'd be disappointed if I didn't come."

"It's true," Luke insisted forcefully.

Mara's smile widened and she chuckled.  "I know.  That's why I said thank you."

Luke smiled back at her.  "So … _are_ you having second thoughts?"

Mara closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat.  "I don't know," she said slowly.  "Not second thoughts, no.  I guess," she opened her eyes to look at him uncertainly, "I guess I'm just a little nervous about it."

"About how I'll be?"

"You?"  Mara seemed genuinely surprised at the idea, to Luke's relief.  "No, not you.  It's everyone else I'm worried about."

Luke looked down at his hands.  "Callista's on your side too, you know."

To his surprise Mara laughed.  "Well, I'm not really worried about Callista either.  I was actually hoping… "  She seemed to hesitate and Luke looked up at her curiously.  "I was hoping that Callista might take charge of my training."

Luke felt like someone had just punched him in the stomach.  For a moment he couldn't seem to catch his breath.  He was vaguely aware that Mara was looking at him somewhat worriedly.

"Unless … do you think she wouldn't want to?"

There was a strange silence, then Mara was speaking again.  "I guess it was a bad idea.  Forget I said it…  Skywalker?  Hello … Luke?"

Luke somehow managed to find his voice again.  "Wh-what …why?  I thought that I would be in charge of your training.  I mean, I know your abilities and capabilities better than anyone.  And … and I thought we worked really well together on… "  Luke stopped and tried to force himself to react reasonably instead of emotionally.  "But it's up to you, of course.  I'm sure that Callista would be willing to… "

Mara was holding up her hands at him and he ground to a halt.  "Skywalker, I just figured that Callista might be able to relate to me better since we have certain similarities in our background and … and we're both women.  I know that shouldn't make much of a difference, but my impression has always been that she has had more success training Leia than you have.  Besides, I figured that you might be too busy to devote much time to me and… "

Luke stared at Mara as she spoke.  He had a hard enough time understanding his own relationship with Mara, let alone the strange connection she seemed to have with Callista.  It was something, he decided, he should speak about with Callista.  As for the rest of it…

"Mara," he interrupted her.  "Mara, I have no problem if you want to train with Callista.  As long as she's willing, that is.  But I'd still like to be involved, if that's all right."

Mara nodded with a smile.  "All right.  Serious discussion over.  I really am going crazy over here, trying to get Shada prepared for when I leave.  Tell me how Cay's doing."

They had ended the conversation with a few Cay "incidents," as Mara called them.  Cay had asked about "Aunt Mawa" only once since Mara's visit, but seemed to have forgotten about her (or just put her out of her mind) in the weeks that past without another visit.  Mara, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy a steady diet of Cay stories.  This meant that Luke paid better attention to Cay's various pronouncements and tantrums — he needed material for Mara.

The day before they left for Yavin, Cay was in an uncharacteristically sulky mood.  She seemed to be feeling more put-out than anything about the packing going on in the apartment, but at the same time she didn't act out as she usually did when she was upset — by making as much noise as possible.  She just sat on the couch watching Luke move about, with her thumb in her mouth and her other hand stuffed under her shirt, playing with her bellybutton.  Luke tried not to look at her — he hated it when she did that, but he didn't have time for a confrontation.

Callista had much less packing to do, as she wasn't going to be staying on Yavin for more than a few weeks.  Her duties as the Jedi Council Emissary in the Senate required her to spend much of her time on Coruscant.  She came out of their bedroom, carrying a small satchel and stood watching him place a few extra items in his own case.

"Think you've got enough in there, Luke?" she asked, a playful grin on her face.

Luke rolled his eyes, but grinned back.  "I actually plan on staying on Yavin for a while, you know."

To his chagrin, Callista's smile faded.  "I would if I could, Luke.  You know that.  But I really need to be here… "

"Callie, it's all right," Luke said quickly, getting up to go over to her.  He took her hands in his.  "I understand.  Really, I do.  Besides, you'll be there for the next month, won't you?"

Callista shrugged.  "I hope so."

Luke let go of her hands and took a small step back, glancing uncertainly at Cay, who didn't seem to be paying any attention to them.  He knew better.  

"Leia told us they could spare you for a month," he said quietly, hoping he didn't sound accusatory.  "Three weeks, at the very least.  We can send someone else if we need to."

Callista smiled gently at him and took his face between her hands.  "I just meant that I would have to come back if I was needed, Luke.  That's all.  You know that I want to be with you and Cay, don't you?"

Luke glanced back over at Cay again.  This time she was looking at them in a detached sort of way, as though she found them mildly interesting, but her mind was on other — more important — things.  "Of course I know that," he said, looking back at Callista and giving her a small smile.  "I just got worried, that's all."  He shook his head.  "Though I shouldn't be complaining, I'm the one who just got back from a jaunt across the galaxy."

Callista's expression became severe.  "That wasn't a jaunt, Luke.  You were responding to a vision that the force sent you.  That's a serious thing.  Imagine what might have happened if you hadn't gone."

Luke nodded his head.  "Don't worry, I realize that.  Mara would be… "  He didn't finish his sentence, very aware of Cay sitting just by them.

Callista nodded approvingly.  "And don't forget about the Caamas document, not to mention the Thrawn clones.  Luke, if you hadn't gone to Nirauan, we might be in the middle of a losing war right now, instead of signing a peace treaty."

Cay was definitely listening to them now, though Luke couldn't tell how much she understood.  He nodded distractedly at Callista and opened his mouth to change the subject.

"That's why I have to be ready to return if I'm needed, Luke," Callista continued before he had a chance.  "The security of the Republic depends on the willingness of its leadership to sacrifice not only our public lives, but our private lives as well.  Leia is forced to do it on a daily basis with Jacen, Jaina, and Anakin.  We have to be willing to do the same with each other."

This was one of those times a force-connection with Callista would really have been useful, Luke thought, as he tried to think of a way to cut her off without hurting her feelings.  He had wanted for a long time to have a conversation about their roles as parents and partners versus their responsibilities within the Republic.  But he didn't want to have it in front of Cay.

"Callista, you know that I agree with you, but… " he tried.

"Yes, you agree in theory, Luke, but sometimes I think that you don't quite recognize how it might manifest itself in practice.  This is just the sort of thing… "

Cay had let her thumb slip from her mouth and was watching Callista intently.  At this point, Luke wasn't sure if anything beyond yelling would cut Callista off and he was pretty sure that Cay would understand yelling far better than she understood things like 'sacrifice' and 'treaties.'  He usually loved to listen to Callista when she got into an idealistic fervor – it seemed like she could convince anyone of anything – but at the moment all he wanted to do was shut her up.

So he did the only thing he could think of and, mid-sentence, kissed her firmly on the mouth.

The kiss wasn't passionate, or even very long, but Callista seemed completely taken aback by it.  She immediately stopped speaking and stared at him with wide eyes, touching her fingers to her lips.

"Sorry," he whispered to her.  "I want to talk about this … but maybe now's not the best time."  He glanced over at Cay significantly.

Callista followed his gaze and immediately understood.  "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," she said.  "I though you might be upset and I just wanted you to understand… "

Luke took her hands in his and smiled.  "I do understand.  And I'm sorry if I'm not as supportive as I should be sometimes."

Callista smiled impishly.  "To be perfectly honest, I don't mind much that you want to spend more time with me."  To Luke's surprise, she leaned in and gave him a soft, lingering kiss.

She chuckled at the expression on his face as he stared at her.  Then he turned quickly to Cay and, relieved to see that she was back to ignoring them, knelt to continue his packing.

"So Mara said that she would arrive a couple of days after us," he told her, mostly just to fill the sudden silence.

Callista said nothing for few moments as he carefully rearranged his case making room for his toiletries.  Then, she turned away and walked toward the dining area.  "Will you have enough time to get your curriculum planned by then?" she asked, with a hint of amusement in her voice.

"I think I'll make do," he responded in the same playful manner.  "It's you I was more worried about."

Callista looked sharply back at him.  "Me?"

He grinned, looking forward to her reaction.  He knew that she loved teaching at the Academy and was always disappointed when her inability to access the force limited her from doing it more.  "Yeah.  The other day she mentioned that she wants you to take charge of her training.  Not that you actually have to do all of it, she knows that you're a busy woman, but she wanted you to be in charge."

Callista seemed frozen for a moment before shaking her head and reaching into the cooler for a drink.  "I admit that I'm surprised," she said.  "I assumed that she would have preferred your instruction.  You two seem to connect so well through the force."

Luke shrugged.  "I was surprised, too," he admitted.  "But she said that you would be able to relate to her better because of… "  He hesitated, not completely understanding himself.  "Because of your similar experiences.  And I'm not sure that I agree, but she also thought that you might be a more appropriate instructor because you're both women.  You _were_ always more successful with Leia than I've ever been."

Callista waved a hand at this.  "That's because you expect too much from Leia, not because you're male."

"Maybe I expect too much from Mara, as well."

Callista shook her head and began to sip at her juice.  "No.  The reason why you expect too much from Leia is because you view her as an extension of yourself.  The council almost never apprenticed relatives to each other for that very reason.  You see Mara's potential, so of course you get frustrated when she refuses to actualize it, but you certainly don't expect too much from her.  Unless… "  Callista looked at him thoughtfully.  "Perhaps you do view Mara as some sort of surrogate sister.  You do relate to her very strongly on an emotional level."

Luke sat back, considering this.  Finally he shook his head.  "I'm not sure.  I don't think of Mara the same way that I think of Leia.  It's a very different connection.  She's not my sister, she's my friend."

Callista tilted her head to the side.  "The way that Han is your friend."

"I guess … but … maybe it's a combination of Han and Leia … and something else too.  Ideas, maybe?" he wondered out loud.  Callista looked at him strangely.

He hurried to explain.  "I can share ideas with her, not just experiences like I can with Han or emotions, like I can with Leia.  And we work off of each other very well.  It's not just that we're friends… "  He grinned suddenly with comprehension.  "We're a team!"

Callista smiled at him and nodded resolutely.  "Mara's wrong," she said decidedly.  "You _should_ train her.  The relationship you just described is exactly what a master-apprentice relationship is supposed to be."  She raised a hand forestalling his objection.  "I'll still take charge of her training curriculum if she really wants me to, but you should definitely be her master.  I don't think that there is anyone who could do a better job than you could."

She continued smiling and Luke couldn't help but smile back, despite his reservations.  But he wasn't sure that he agreed with her.  He was very glad to be training Mara, he'd been looking forward to it for a very long time, but he had been in master-apprentice relationships before and they weren't anything like his relationship with Mara.  She was too much of an equal for him to view her the same way he would another apprentice.  

On the other hand, maybe he was wrong.  Maybe masters and apprentices really were supposed to be on a more equal footing.  Callista certainly had more experience than he did.  Besides, Ben always seemed to remember Anakin Skywalker as a friend more than as a student.

He stood and forced himself to concentrate on his packing, mentally going through the checklist of his toiletries and where he could find them.  He opened his eyes as he sensed someone close by and a moment later Callista brushed past him on her way to their bedroom.  But the momentary touch was far from casual.  She had pressed her breasts against his arm and her hips firmly against his wrist, trailing a hand well below the waistline on the back of his trousers.

She stopped by the doorway for a moment and turned back to say, in her husky voice, "I forgot to pack something," before moving into the bedroom.

Luke's mouth went dry and he found himself checking Cay.  She was still awake, though her eyes were heavily lidded, and she wasn't looking in his direction at all.

Callista hadn't been…  They didn't even have time…  It was the middle of the day and … and Cay was sitting right there.  He stood uncertainly for a minute, before deciding to get what toiletries he needed from the bedroom first.

When he reached the doorway he saw Callista pulling something red and silky from her dresser.  She drapped it over her forearm without a glance at him and brushed slowly past him again out into the hallway.  He steadied himself against the doorpost and reminded himself that she was just giving him something to look forward to.  They certainly couldn't do anything now.

But he turned almost involuntarily to watch her and immediately wished that he hadn't.  She had her back to him and was bending over at the waist to pack the nightgown into her satchel.  The skirt she was wearing was extremely modest, but the material managed to accentuate the long smooth lines of her legs when she was bent like that.  Not to mention a few other body parts.

He forced himself to turn back to the bedroom and walked swiftly over to his night table to snatch up his comb and deodorant.  Keeping his eyes on his feet he returned to his case to pack them away and then hurried to the bathroom for the rest of his things.

He was leaning over the tub for his shampoo when the door closed behind him.

He took in a few deep breaths before turning around, reminding himself once again that she didn't want more than a few kisses, if that.

She was leaning against the sink with a small smirk on her face when he straightened up.

"Have you got everything?" she asked in a deceptively casual tone of voice.

_You're a Jedi!_ he reminded himself firmly and almost immediately he felt the physical tension leave his body.  He could play with her now as casually as she was playing with him.

He grinned.  "Not exactly.  There are a few things in the medicine cabinet that I might need," he said, pointing directly behind her head.

Something – annoyance? – flashed across Callista's face, but the next moment she was arching her back against the sink seductively.  "I suppose you'll have to get them, then," she said, managing to sound innocent.

His control firmly in place, Luke found that he could enjoy their little game and he pressed her firmly against the sink with his hips before reaching around her with both hands to get his things out of the cabinet.  As soon as he had everything, he pulled away.  "That's everything," he announced, expecting a chuckle in response.

He didn't get it.  Instead, she continued to gaze at him.

He rolled his eyes and leaned in to give her a thorough kiss – which she returned with fervor – before turning to go.

Before he could, however, Callista lifted her leg up across the doorway and propped her foot against the opposite wall.  The wrap skirt split open along her thigh revealing a long, tanned leg.

Another man might have lost it right then, but Luke's Jedi discipline was working overtime to keep him grounded.  He let his eyes skim up her thigh to her hip, then up her torso to her face.  She looked back at him steadily, a wicked grin on her lips.

"Callista!" he complained in amusement.

Her mouth twitched, but otherwise there was no response.

He leaned in again for a final kiss, but it turned into something very different than he had meant for it to be.  Callista reached down and planted one of his hands on her waist and the other high up on her thigh.  Then she began caressing him in a way that was far too intimate given the circumstances.

He managed to free his lips and mumble, "Callista, we should really stop," before she pulled him back in again.

He couldn't bring himself not to kiss her back, but he also couldn't allow himself to let go of his force-induced inhibition.  He finally brought his hands up to her shoulders and pushed away firmly.

"Callie, we can't do this.  We're supposed to be leaving soon."

Her brow wrinkled for a moment, then she brightened.  "It doesn't have to take very long," she said, reaching for the clasp on his trousers.

He laughed, but stayed her hands before they could get very far.  "Cay's in the next room.  She's definitely awake.  What if she picks up on what we're … what if she senses something?"

"She won't know what it means, Luke.  We'll just stay quiet."

She smiled confidently at him and he couldn't help but smile back, but – to her evident frustration – he didn't let go of her hands.

"Or we could just wait for tonight," he suggested.

Callista pulled her hands free in irritation and moved them to his shoulders instead.  "But I want you now," she purred, pressing herself against him again.

Luke leaned his head in till their foreheads were touching.  "I want you, too," he whispered.  "But won't you feel more comfortable when Cay's asleep?"

Callista licked her lips and let her hands stray down the front of his shirt.  "You're the one who doesn't feel comfortable.  Just shield yourself from her."

For a moment – looking down at her lips and her neck, feeling her fingers pulling the fabric of his tunic from his trousers – Luke seriously considered giving in.  But then he shook his head decisively.  "If I block myself off from her, then I won't know if something's wrong."

Callista yanked the rest of his tunic out with a look of triumph in her eyes that he knew shouldn't be there.  "You're the Jedi Master, Luke.  I think you can manage to split your concentration."

Without waiting for a response, she pulled him back in for a fiercely passionate kiss.

For the first few moments, Luke tried to lose himself completely in their love-making.  But every time he tried, his shields would begin to slip or his tenuous connection to Cay would collapse.  So he pulled back somewhat on his physical intensity with Callista in order to focus more on Cay.  

Callista, however, immediately noticed this and reacted by making sure that his body was crying out to respond more fully to her enticements.

He growled in frustration.  "Callista, please!"

"Touch me, Luke," she commanded breathlessly, "don't hold back."

He struggled with himself for a few more moments, before something finally clicked.  Without meaning to, he split off the logic-driven, intellectual section of his mind to shield against and watch over Cay, while the instinctual part of his mind gave itself over completely to his overwhelming physical desires and passions.

While his body worked madly, furiously, to satisfy itself, he sent gentle sensations to Cay over his bond, trying to lull her to sleep.  When he sensed her looking much too interestedly over at his impeccably packed case, he told her under no uncertain terms what would happen if it was touched.

That part of his mind was barely aware of Callista's frantic caresses and kisses, of her arms and legs encircling him and arousing him.  And when their bodies had calmed, their breathing slowed back to normal, it took him some time to reintegrate his disparate awarenesses.

When he did, however, he was rewarded with the sight of a beaming Callista.  

It wasn't until that night as he lay next to Callista on the ship, speeding through hyperspace toward Yavin, that he allowed himself to wonder whether the Old Order had perhaps been correct in their stance on the incompatibility of romance with the Jedi life.  But the thought barely had a chance form itself before he fell into a deep and untroubled sleep.

* * *

A/N: I'm not sure how that went over, but let me just state for the record that I didn't mean for Callista to come off as some sort of nymphomaniac.  I'm sure that there are couples for whom a situation like this would be a healthy and positive experience – it's only Luke's Jedi issues that got in the way of this one.  At any rate, I am basing Callista's character on the way that Hambly (and, to some extent, KJA) wrote her, I'm trying very hard not to unfairly make her something that she's not.  Maybe when I'm finished with this I'll write a little essay on what my evidence is for her various character traits ;)

You have hopefully figured out that I am using a physical relationship in order to represent certain issues within Luke and Callista's relationship.  If I were a better author, I would probably be able to subtly hint toward the issues without resorting to sex.  But I'm not.  Sorry!


End file.
